Hoop Path Retreat Reflections Part 2

After work on Wednesday, I drove home to find Cassandra and "Big Momma" (her jeep) waiting for me at my house. We went to grab some Thai food and made a list of items we would need for our 12-hour road trip and weekend adventure. Hoola Monster Kiyla joined us as we finished up dinner, and Amy arrived at the house a few hours later. The four of us chatted with excitement about the upcoming retreat. We had to wake up and hit the road by 5:30 a.m., so we eventually called it a night.

On Thursday morning, we loaded up Big Momma and made our way out of Tampa. Cassandra was amazing and drove the entire time, with brief pit stops for hooping, stretching and food.

We eventually arrived in Carborro and set up at Camp Mary Water, our Retreat 'home away from home.' There were approx. 15 campers and house guests staying with Mary. She was a warm and inviting ray of sunshine throughout the entire weekend, and we couldn't have asked for a better hostess. (We love her!)

After setting up camp, we hopped back in the jeep with our hoops and made our way to the Opening Ceremony and Flow Showcase. Walking into the room was like a hoop family reunion. I saw lots of familiar, smiling faces including: Lauren, Christabel, Claudia, Tara, Ann, Beth, Rebecca, Nicki, Geoff, and the list goes on... I was giddy with excitement meeting new people as well. It warmed my heart just being present in that environment, surrounded by 150 beaming hoopers. I couldn't help but think how we were all brought together in that moment due to our shared passion for the blissful, powerful art form known as modern hoop dance.

Bax said a few words before the Flow Showcase began. Performances included belly dancing by Anastasia, an interpretive dance by the amazing Christabel (a.k.a. HoopGirl), some badass hooping by the one and only Spiral and a heart-warming "Life of the Party" poem by our very own Cassandra. We were also blessed with a beautiful song by Hoop Pathers Beth and Ann. There were other talented artists who showed their stuff too, but the names are escaping me now. Afterwards, we all hooped together at the farm before heading back to Camp Water for some much needed R&R.

Friday morning began with excited squeals as Kristin and Kacey arrived at Camp Water. I hadn't seen these two in about a year and a half, and I was like a little kid on Christmas morning being reunited with my friends. After some brief catch up, we took part in an outdoor, guided meditation at Bonnie's house. It ended with peacock feather take-aways with inspirational words attached. Calm and blissful, the group headed out for the first workshop of the weekend.

In the workshops, Bax encourages students to "go blind." Blindfolded, meditative practice enables you to focus on the experience in a different way. When blindfolded, I find that I'm able to feel and respond to the rhythm and energy created between me and the hoop. I get into the zone, or "flow" and I'm able to lose sight of the world around me. It's truly a beautiful experience.

Day 1's Focus: The Vessel. We did lots of core hooping and balance techniques. As always, Bax provided wonderful instruction and guidance. We were all on a hoop high afterwards, so we met up with some of the locals to celebrate Lauren W's birthday before calling it a night.

Saturday began with a group breakfast. Day 2's Workshop Focus was The Mind. Baxter's soothing words filled the room, as he coached us through each technique. When teaching, Bax has a habit of repeating things three times. "Unlock, unlock, unlock." "It's okay, It's okay, It's okay." Self-love and acceptance were key themes in the Saturday workshop. I remember feeling a deep connection to the experience during blindfolded practice.

Afterwards, we met with our Mini Tribe to discuss the fire ceremony, which would take place later in the evening. Our group agreed upon a "Recipe for Positive Transformation." Matthias did a great job constructing a basket out of vines and wood, which would serve as our contribution to the fire.

After a quick shower, we headed over to Beth's house for the Kava ceremony and fire ritual. Bax began by holding silence for a friend who had recently passed. I knew that I wouldn't make it through the weekend without sheding tears, and this was my moment to do so. It was obvious that this man had touched the lives of many. My heart went out to The Hoop Path and to all who suffered from this great loss.

The evening continued with fire offerings from the Mini Tribes, with fire hooping and fire dancing to follow. Our Recipe for Positive Transformation included: greasing the bowl with hope, a dash of fear balanced with support from family and friends, a whole lot of self-love and courage, a bit of pain, loads of love and sprinkles of glitter. Cassandra and Matthias did a fabulous job presenting it. Afterwards, we had the pleasure of watching Rich (a.k.a. IsoPop) kill it with double mini fire hoops and Miss Rosie (from Hero Hoops) rock out with an amazing fire hoop performance. I lit up as well, and then we headed back to Mary's to sleep.

Day Three: Waking up outdoors is one of my favorite things to do. The fresh air, birds chirping and sunshine always put me in a good mood. So, on Sunday morning, I woke up early feeling great. Kacey, Kristin, Amy and I decided to go for a morning hike. We heard there was a lake nearby, and we wanted to go for a swim. It was an absolutely beautiful way to start our final day in Carborro:

Afterwards, we re-convened with our mini-Tribe over brunch with Mary. Needless to say, it was another great experience with lots of laughter and smiles.
The workshop on Day 3 was different than any of the other Hoop Path workshops I've been to. It began with "Hoop Church." We entered the gym in silence and proceeded to watch Bax hold up a series of signs. Music and movement then followed. On Day 3, Ann taught a section on sustained spinning, which was a definite highlight for me. I've been working on spinning but it's been difficult for me. With Ann's visualization techniques, I was able to finally break ground with spinning. For the first time, I got into flow with this technique, and it felt great. Taylor, Kristin and Kacey had similar experiences and we couldn't stop chatting about it on the way back to Mary's.

We arrived back at the campsite and immediately started getting ready for the Hooper's Ball. We had to pack up our gear because we needed to be on the road after the ball ended. The thing is... we didn't thoroughly think it through. We got ready before packing, so it was a pretty hilarious sight watching a bunch of girls in fishnets and feathers pack up camping equipment. We met in front of Mary's house to take photos before the ball. It felt a little bit like prom, but with glitter and leg warmers in place of corsages and prom dresses.


The Hooper's Ball was simply amazing. The workshops are an introspective experience, so it's sometimes difficult to see the incredible talent of the other hoopers in the room. But the Hooper's Ball was a chance for me to take in my surroundings. A HUGE highlight for me was watching Brecken hoop. She has this unique, smooth dance style... that, combined with her MAD HOOPING SKILLS, is a sight to see. I couldn't stop watching her. Of course, Rich, Christabel, Ann, Bax and Michelle were highlights for me as well. And watching Beth hoop with her daughter, Erica, was truly heart-warming. The beautiful thing about it is that I could take away something positive from every single hooper that I laid eyes upon. One of the great things about hoop dance is that each person brings his or her own, unique style into the art form.
Finally, it was time to pack up and head out. While it was sad to say goodbye to all of my Hoop Path sisters and brothers, I made it a point to remind myself that I have these amazing memories now. I also have a full year to prepare and look forward to HP4. The retreat was cleansing, meditative, heart-warming and soul-fulfilling. I'm truly grateful for the experience and for the incredible hooping community. I feel blessed, thankful and HAPPY today.

Hoop Path Retreat Reflections Part 1

Light. Bliss. Acceptance. Positive Transformation. Meditation. Gratitude. Happiness. Calm. Silence. Beauty. Talent. Music. Hugs. Flow. Appreciation. Amazement. Tears. Fire. Warmth. Comfort. Community. Introspection. Self-Love. Smiles. Patience. Sharing. PE*A*CE.

These are just some of the words that come to mind when I reflect on this past weekend. I returned from the Hoop Path Retreat in Carborro, North Carolina yesterday evening. Before diving into my incredible experience at the retreat, I want to take a moment to explain what the The Hoop Path means to me and why this event is so significant.

When I talk about 'finding the light' and overcoming depression, I often discuss healing through movement meditation - specifically hoop dance. Hoop dance is my passion, my stress relief and my creative outlet for self-expression. It's also my portal to happiness. I began hoop dancing in 2007 after a friend (Kacey from Homespun Hoops) introduced me to it. At the time, Kacey was taking a few months off from her career to attend music festivals and sell her hand-made hoops. She invited me over one day after work. We had some wine and then ventured outside to 'hoop.' Kacey handed me a large hoola hoop and encouraged me to try it. This hoop was different than the hula hoop I remembered playing with as a child. It was larger, heavier and it rotated slowly around my waist. I watched with awe as Kacey danced with her hoop. I was blown away by the grace and beauty of her movements. I found the experience to be meditative, rhythmic and soothing. Kacey made me my own hoop that day, and this marked the beginning of my personal hoop path. It was also a low point for me, in terms of depression.

For a few months, the hoop sat in my apartment untouched. Kacey moved back to South Carolina, and my depression got worse. I was in an unhealthy relationship and negative thoughts were constantly running through my mind. The sadness was consuming me, though I hid it well. One evening, I went to see a band with some friends. I noticed a couple girls hoop dancing. They looked so peaceful as they flowed effortlessly to the music. I watched, reflecting on how much fun I had in the backyard with Kacey. I got home that evening, moved my furniture around, and danced with my hoop in the living room for hours. It felt good.

In the months that followed, I obsessively watching videos on You Tube and Tribe.net. I cyber-stalked the masters on my computer... Spiral, Christabel, Baxter, Ann, Beth, Hoopalicious, and the list goes on... I wanted to do what they did, so I visited sites like Hooping.org, and I studied video tutorials. I also researched the websites of those who inspired me.

I will never forget the day when I logged onto The Hoop Path website for the first time. I read Jonathan Baxter's story with amazement. Here was a man talking openly about his experience with depression... an illness that I had spent my entire life hiding. On the site, Bax credits his rigorous hoop practice as the healing tool that enabled him to successfully overcome depression. He says he started to notice that his depression struck less often, felt less oppressive and the breakdowns didn't last as long. As a result, he was filled with hope. He also compared the rocking sensation created by the hoop to a baby rocking in its cradle... soothing, calm and quiet. Tears slid down my cheeks as I read his words. In that moment, I realized the same thing was happening for me. It had been months since I had a breakdown. Could it be that my new-found fascination with the hoop was really helping me overcome depression? This realization floored me.

From that point on, I felt a strong connection to The Hoop Path, and I wanted to meet Bax and learn from him first-hand. So, I bought a ticket to the 2008 Hoop Path Retreat in Carborro, NC. In Hoop Path language, this makes me a 'second-ringer' (Similar to annual rings on a tree, with each retreat, the community grows and more rings are added).

In June of 2008, I traveled to North Carolina with my hoop dance troupe, The Hoola Monsters. We had recently formed our group, and a few of us had just become certified to teach classes. I was so excited (and nervous) about the event. Last year, if I had to categorize myself, in terms of skill level, I would have put myself at the 'beginner/ just branching into intermediate' category.

By nature, I am a competitive person. So, when I arrived at the retreat, I couldn't help but compare myself to some of the other, more skilled hoopers. It was a humbling experience for me. At home, people would compliment my hooping regularly. At the '08 retreat, I was a newbie with lots to learn. There were times that brought me to tears, but Bax's words provided balance in those moments of frustration. He talked about self-love and discovering your own path. I was learning not to put so much pressure on myself. I was learning how to be patient and accepting of who I am, at any given moment in time. It's not about how good you can be. It's about how good you can feel.

I vividly remember a time in one of the workshops where I started crying and broke away from the group. The tears were flowing and I couldn't stop them. In that moment, I felt arms embrace me. I didn't know who was hugging me, but I hugged back and that support was exactly what I needed. The hugger's name is Lauren, and she was there for me before we ever even spoke. Needless to say, the '08 retreat marked the beginning of some amazing friendships.

The 2008 retreat was a cleansing experience for me. I would go so far as to say that it was life-changing. I expelled the negative energy inside of me. I literally danced it away, and I felt rejuvenated afterwards.

I've been looking forward to this year's retreat since the day I left Carborro last year. I wanted to see my hoop sisters and brothers, and I wanted to revel in Baxter's teachings again.

In the weeks leading up to the 2009 retreat, I spent lots of time on the phone with my out-of-state hooper friends, especially Lauren and Kacey. I hadn't seen Lauren since last year's retreat, and I really hadn't hooped with Kacey since she introduced me to hooping in the first place. They were both going to be at the retreat, and I was so excited to see them.

I had a slumber party at my house the night before our Carborro road trip. Cassandra (a fellow HoopGirl Workout teacher), Kiyla (a member of my troupe) and Amy (one of my students) slept over. We had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. in order to make it to Carborro for the first event of the weekend. We were giddy with excitement, as we finished packing and went over the retreat schedule. We knew it was going to be an incredible experience...

Research Blues

Conducting research for my book is necessary, in order to substantiate my points of view and gather needed statistics. Last night, as I scanned the Internet for the number of annual suicides by way of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, I was overcome with emotion. I learned that, on average, 12 people a year die here. I should also mention that this bridge is very familiar to me. I drive over it 10 times a week... twice a day, to and from work. One of the articles that shook me up was this one...

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/may/22/deadly-jumps-are-darker-side-sunshine-skyway-bridg/

I understand that the writer was going for drama and shock value. But sections of this story were very difficult to read... specifically the part about the jackass who started jumperpool.com (which, by the way, I refuse to visit). Learning that most don't die a quick death when they jump and reading the count down until the moment the individual hits the water was also hard to stomach. In addition, I was amazed to discover the overwhelming number of derogatory comments posted to this story. I burst into tears, after briefly scanning the hateful words submitted by readers. It probably didn't help matters that I was conducting this research on Brad's birthday. He would have been 31 yesterday.

The quote by Forensic Psychologist Jerald Ratner also got under my skin. Is it possible that even our psychologists and psychiatrists don't understand what it's like to be depressed? And why must people pass judgement and make jokes about suicide? These are two of the questions that I'm tackling right now as I write my book.

The following video, while heartbreaking, sheds a more realistic and compassionate light on the Sunshine Skyway suicides. My heart goes out to the family featured here. I recently had the pleasure of meeting David Braughton, CEO of the Tampa Bay Crisis Center (who's interviewed towards the end of the story)... He is a good-hearted man with an important message:

http://www2.tbo.com/video/2009/may/22/skyways-suicide-attempts--66350/video-news/

I had to take a break from my work because it got too emotional last night... and that's OK. I'm learning to be patient with myself as I write. I hoop danced, got some fresh air, played with my dog, and had a glass of wine. I also prepared a nice dinner. My research is difficult but necessary. Even though it hurts, I am pleased with the progress I'm making. I'm also proud of myself for recognizing the need to take breaks, for my own mental health. Tonight is yoga night. Balance is key.